Lord Cthulhu needs a new PR agent. We had to ritualistically sacrifice our last update writer due to incompetence. Hopefully the new one will be up to par…

Since it’s an election year we’ve decided to get things rolling right along for our campaign. Caucuses schmaucuses…who needs ‘em? We will be shortly conquering your planet regardless of electoral outcome.

“But”, you might say, “if you’re going to conquer the world anyway what’s the use of supporting your campaign?” Well, foolish mortals, by showing your support for us and wearing our merchandise, or using our stencils, you will ensure a quick and painless death, or better yet, eternal enslavement, by our Great and Powerful Lord. For those that deny Cthulhu I can promise no such mercy. We will slowly peel the flesh from your bones and feed it to the faithful. Based on that option I think the choice in candidates should be clear to you. Cthulhu is the way forward!

And really? What are your other options? Non-viable candidates such as Hillary, who is an overemotional and just barely disguised man in drag; Obama, an unelectable pretty boy with little political experience; Guliani an adulterous miscreant who completely mishandled the aftermath of 9/11; or McCain, a fat and delusional Bush administration lapdog. These are your new leaders of the Free World? I don’t think so. Vote Cthulhu and we will enslave your planet thereby bringing order and discipline to chaos, finally America and the rest of the world will be united once again (even if it is in servitude).

If anyone out there would like to submit writing or artwork to our glorious leader please feel free, if Lord Cthulhu is pleased by it he will send you free merchandise and upload it to our illustrious website. Please note though by submitting any documents or images to us you are thereby giving us permanent rights of use for as long as we choose with or without compensation. We may also edit said files for brevity, clarity, or any reason at all really; depending on our mood.