If demand picks up we may reopen but currently we have decided to discontinue our product line. We will possibly be licensing our design out to a popular convention based Cthulhu vendor so you will still be able to buy Elder Party Merchandise at places like ComicCon and DragonCon in the future.
Thank you for your patronage!
]]>Lord Cthulhu couldn’t be more pleased!
This proves that America is ready for a change.
]]>Cthulhu demands you utilize these links. They range from ways to contact your government (to demand change and to get their assurance that they will be endorsing your Great Lord and Master in the upcoming election), to H.P. Lovecraft web-pages (from a free archive of public domain stories to table top RPGS and video-games), to curious and thought-provoking sites (covering various things from politics to theology).
Praise be to Cthulhu and His generosity!
]]>“Lord Cthulu,
I have had no patience for the latest round of political shenanigans. I was fully ready to spoil my ballot and vote for MICKEY MOUSE this round. Now I will vote for you.
However, for your world domination to begin on American soil, you need to destroy the electoral college. I don’t see how my vote, or any votes of other slaves to your will will make a difference.
In short, master, the game is rigged.
Please send me some peace on this subject, because at this point in time, I could give a fuck.
Feel free to take my soul for that last profanity.
In madness,
A hopeless muphukka.”
The rest of you lot could learn from this human. Cthulhu approves of praise and demands more! It will go badly for you all if He does not receive it.
Peter has a good point though, the game IS rigged, and soon I will be the puppet-master controlling all the strings. Cthulhu will abolish the Electoral College when he demolishes the government as you know it! There will be chaos and blood forever after!
Also, Cthulhu thinks this Mickey Mouse creature will have to die. It is an abomination in His eyes.
]]>The motion to send Rep. Dennis Kucinich’s impeachment resolution against President Bush to a Judiciary Committee passed 251-166.
Currently Cthulhu guesses the excuse for something like this not being on a front page somewhere is that it hasn’t gone anywhere yet. Cthulhu wonders why Clinton’s entire impeachment process was such a scandal but this is not… Perhaps you silly humans focus too much on the sex of a scandal instead of a criminal war where real lives are lost?
Not that Cthulhu disapproves of war, war is great and furthers His own agendas, but He wonders what your excuse is.
EDIT: Apparently CNN finally reported on the first part of this saga. There is still not a whole lot of anything on MSNBC, ABC, or Fox News.
]]>Souler Energy: It’s a revolutionary new technology powered on the distilled energy of innocent human souls! All you need do is slay your fellow man and use the patented Souler Cell™ to imprison their newly departed essence. Runs for 200 miles on just one soul! Just think, you could solve the gas crisis and the vagrant population all in one simple equation!
You won’t need Obama or McCain’s government caps on gas prices when you have this modern technological marvel under your hood. See your local Damned Dealership today for more details.
Remember, with Souler Energy, if you’re not part of the Solution you’re part of the problem.
Over the last few days several big things have happened in your tiny circus ring that you call politics. For one, a major senate report about the war in Iraq came out, wherein John D. (Jay) Rockefeller IV states:
“It is my belief that the Bush Administration was fixated on Iraq, and used the 9/11 attacks by al Qa’ida as justification for overthrowing Saddam Hussein. To accomplish this, top Administration officials made repeated statements that falsely linked Iraq and al Qa’ida as a single threat and insinuated that Iraq played a role in 9/11. Sadly, the Bush Administration led the nation into war under false pretenses.
“There is no question we all relied on flawed intelligence. But, there is a fundamental difference between relying on incorrect intelligence and deliberately painting a picture to the American people that you know is not fully accurate.”
That was on June 5th, 2008… Yesterday, June 9th, 2008 Rep. Dennis Kucinich spoke to the House of Representatives, airing live on C-SPAN, introducing 35 articles of impeachment against President George W. Bush. These “high crimes and misdemeanors” were read with references cited. Prowling over to your main news sites like MSNBC, ABC, Fox, and CNN though, Cthulhu can find no references to this important event.
Silly humans, why doesn’t your media report on these things?
Cthulhu finds only these sites with information on them, so He gives them to you freely in order to further unravel your unstable political system (it will make conquering you all that much easier):
The Daily KOS on the Impeachment Articles
Wikipedia on the Impeachment Articles
]]>Since it’s an election year we’ve decided to get things rolling right along for our campaign. Caucuses schmaucuses…who needs ‘em? We will be shortly conquering your planet regardless of electoral outcome.
“But”, you might say, “if you’re going to conquer the world anyway what’s the use of supporting your campaign?” Well, foolish mortals, by showing your support for us and wearing our merchandise, or using our stencils, you will ensure a quick and painless death, or better yet, eternal enslavement, by our Great and Powerful Lord. For those that deny Cthulhu I can promise no such mercy. We will slowly peel the flesh from your bones and feed it to the faithful. Based on that option I think the choice in candidates should be clear to you. Cthulhu is the way forward!
And really? What are your other options? Non-viable candidates such as Hillary, who is an overemotional and just barely disguised man in drag; Obama, an unelectable pretty boy with little political experience; Guliani an adulterous miscreant who completely mishandled the aftermath of 9/11; or McCain, a fat and delusional Bush administration lapdog. These are your new leaders of the Free World? I don’t think so. Vote Cthulhu and we will enslave your planet thereby bringing order and discipline to chaos, finally America and the rest of the world will be united once again (even if it is in servitude).
If anyone out there would like to submit writing or artwork to our glorious leader please feel free, if Lord Cthulhu is pleased by it he will send you free merchandise and upload it to our illustrious website. Please note though by submitting any documents or images to us you are thereby giving us permanent rights of use for as long as we choose with or without compensation. We may also edit said files for brevity, clarity, or any reason at all really; depending on our mood.
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